Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
