I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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