Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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