Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
