I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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