My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
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