no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
