she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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