I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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