I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
