for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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