i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
