I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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