Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
