I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
