I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
