I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
