i just had sex bonerless
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
