Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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