i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
