Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
