So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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