At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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