I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
