I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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