Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye