I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.