so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
