If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How's your threesome situation going?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.