A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
