So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
