I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
