someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
