I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
