When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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