Your mouth is God's brothel.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
