i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
