this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Randomize
