Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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