just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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