I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
