trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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