is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
