I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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