yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
