I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
