i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he fucked my hip out of place.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We have started to decorate penises.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
