you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
