god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
not ubering you a puppy
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