I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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