The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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