Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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