There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
