Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
