I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
