pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
