im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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