i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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