I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's shark week go big or go home
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
