why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
