I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need to calm my uterus...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
