May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
