I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
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Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
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One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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