On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
