this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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