I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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