wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
