Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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