So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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