I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize