What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
