he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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