dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
