Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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