I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
