Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
