Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize