Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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