Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
