What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
