so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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