Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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