forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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