Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize