New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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