i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
